Hey everyone! So, like, I began celebrating Lesbian Laser Fest this shade (that’s my word for day: shade). It’s my own celebratory period that I created for me to celebrate instead of Christmas, because… to cut a long story short, because Christianity is one of the biggest components of rape culture (Mary didn’t consent to being impregnated in the fictional story, and Jesus Christ is supposed to be the same person as “God” in the fictional story). Also, the popular secular Christmas still has “Christ” in the name — so it’s like celebrating “Mike Tyson three months” (yeah, THREE MONTHS of Mike Tyson movies on TV even though everyone knows he’s a rapist, or they ought to know it) — and secular Christmas still totally stinks of patriarchy if you ask me, with some old guy deciding who gets rewarded and who gets punished. Like, Christmas gifts or Christmas coal, depending on if the old guy likes you or not. And it’s basically corporate CIA-driven and corporate CIA-approved “culture” to promote whatever percent of economic growth the Western establishment’s criminal bankers need to try to keep their fraudulent money system going. So yeah… I like, hate Christmas with a passion for various reasons including my own personal reasons, so I started celebrating Lesbian Laser Fest on my own a few years ago — so that I can still enjoy the things I used to like about celebrating an annual special event in Western culture.

Lesbian Laser Fest is also so I can have an annual celebration of me being Goda, since a lot of the other annual celebrations are about fake versions of me in different religions. But I’m not forcing Lesbian Laser Fest on anyone, and at the moment I only celebrate it on my own. It just feels nice to have something once a year that’s actually about me! 🙂 You know?

It’s Lesbian because I’m lesbian. Laser because I’m Reign and Reign shoots lasers out of her eyes (heat vision actually, but everyone calls that kind of thing “laser eyes”). Fest because it’s a festival. I remember obsessing about thinking up a better word to use instead of “fest”, just in case anyone thought it was about some Greek god character — but then I eventually thought that was dumb, and decided that Lesbian Laser Fest was a good enough name. LOL!

I plan to celebrate Lesbian Laser Fest in the same ways that I celebrated it in previous years — which includes putting my home-made Lesbian Laser Fest decorations up (lesbian wedding cake toppers stuck onto recycled cardboard boxes for stands), viewing lots of lesbian-themed movies and TV shows, eating lots of candy, eating krokiety, and drinking masala chai. I ate so much candy this year though that I’ve had to include eating a ton of white chocolate as a new Lesbian Laser Fest tradition… so that the candy-eating part of it still feels special to me, instead of the same as usual LOL. 😛 (I don’t eat much chocolate at all, even though I LOVE WHITE CHOCOLATE — because I purposefully cut down the amount of chocolate I eat to hurt the international trade in cocoa beans, as part of my war against the mafia; people might think that’s a long shot, but my war against them is an all-aspects war and I’m not gonna assume that getting people to cut back on their chocolate consumption isn’t doable. I aim for, like, 100% locally-grown non-imported food and drink to destroy the profits of the mafia’s big corporations. Basically all the food and drink I consume at my own home is 100% locally grown and made by small local independent companies. All of it. Even my tea comes from England, so drinking masala chai is gonna be another exception I’m making only for these 9 shades of Lesbian Laser Fest. I drink a lot of tea!!!!)

Like, so far I’ve already put my decorations up and viewed plenty of somewhat lesbian-themed movies and TV. I also started a new tradition: Lesbian Laser Breakfast. LMAO! This involves eating candy for the first breakfast of Lesbian Laser Fest, instead of my grown-in-England “chilled” porridge oats mixed with (as far as I’m informed) grown-in-England granola, thrown together in a bowl with “chilled” milk. My “chilled” granola porridge actually tastes pretty good, but I used to like Kellogg’s Special K a lot and eating only grown-in-England “chilled” porridge oats for breakfast is one of the sacrifices I’ve had to make in my all-aspects war to destroy the Western World’s corporate mafia. Lesbian Laser Breakfast was a big success anyway. I had a white chocolate coated marshmallow on a stick, and a white chocolate lollipop… both of which were covered in rainbow sprinkles (and the lollipop was covered in sugar glitter stars too!) 🙂

On my TV I viewed Mean Girls as a celebration of me, Goda!!!! 😀 Even though the movie is basically bullying people like me for no reason, using the excuse of saying we’re all like the Regina character — or deserving of being bullied for no reason even if we’re not. I identify a lot with the Amanda Seyfried and Lacey Chabert characters (as well as with Regina George, I guess… and with Lindsay Lohan when she turns “mean”; Cady or whatever.) Seriously I just viewed the movie and I can’t remember their names, LOL. One of them is called Gretchen, I just remembered. I identify most with the Amanda Seyfried character, to be honest — even though it’s her character’s name that I still can’t remember. Ummm, yeah. I’m not stupid though, even though I sound like this. And I resent that all the members of our sort of culture are typified as being stupid, shallow, and nasty! Like, Lacey and Amanda don’t even seem very “mean” in the movie. Like, they don’t seem “mean” at all, honestly! They literally don’t seem mean. One of them is not very intelligent but sweet/innocent (and allegedly “slutty”), and the other one is more intelligent but still sweet and innocent. They’re friends with Regina, but I figure that’s no worse than anyone of any gender who sticks to men and boys exhibiting varying levels of toxic masculinity in patriarchy’s protection racket targeting pretty much everyone. In a Dwayne Johnson movie, it’s always presented as fine to be his male friend or girlfriend and consequently get bullied by him when he’s playing an alpha male bully “good guy” mean jerk jock. In a Dwayne Johnson movie, just being his friend doesn’t signify it being totally 100% OK for you to be also typified as a bad person (like HE ISN’T in his movie, even though his characters are bad people), even if you’re otherwise sweet and innocent and your only crime is letting him be the boss of you. What with him being a man and all, so it’s “OK for him to be the boss of people, and influence them somewhat to also be jerks to others”. I guess Regina’s crime is that she’s female but she acts like she’s “allowed” to have power. Everyone knows that in patriarchy, girls and women have to be “allowed” to be a certain way before they can do it… NOT!!!! LOL! 🙂 Yeah I know that Regina is a terrible person (and that lots of people have experiences of being bullied by people like her), but I’m just pointing out the huge double standard here that’s all.

LOL. I didn’t mean to go on a rant there about the movie I actually love so much that I bought it on Blu-Ray to view again and again, but it’s how I feel. And it’s true, soooo…

Anyway — since I’m Goda, the Creatress of everything and all, when I viewed Mean Girls again nowshade I put various things into the movie to say that I, Goda, am a lesbian. You know, to celebrate Lesbian Laser Fest!!!! For example, there’s a lesbian kiss at a party. And my new favourite bit is when Regina outs both Cindy Burman and Wonder Woman as lesbians when she talks about how she had to ban her former friend from her “all-girls pool party”. LOL! There’s a girl dressed a lot like Cindy from Season One of the Stargirl show behind her, and I think it’s Cady who has a bracelet or bracelets very visible in the scene to be suggestive of Wonder Woman. And obviously Regina is “accidentally” outing herself as a lesbian when she talks about “blowing off” girls… and since she admits that her pool party was an all-girls pool party for some reason. She seems very eager to point the finger at some other girl as being the only lesbian, when they were probably both having sex with each other at the party and no one got banned from it — but someone walked in on them, so she threw her friend under the bus instead of admitting the truth that she’s a lesbian too.

I just wanna say that I don’t think Melissa Benoist ought to view this movie because my feelings are a mean girl, and my feelings weren’t very nice to her towards the end of the movie. I’m sorry about this. It’s like everyone can read my mind when I’m viewing TV and stuff (or when people are making random conversation around me, in public). It isn’t fair to judge me like I’m a bad person for my feelings saying stuff like this, if I feel hurt or confused or something. No one else has their private feelings being always made public in the world for everyone to scrutinise and judge and make assumptions about, like this. Please don’t hate me. I guess most people aren’t gonna understand this part of my post, so just ignore it.

The other things I viewed on TV were the first episode of the classic anime, Bubblegum Crisis. This anime series is SO COOL, because each episode of it is like a mini-movie. They are fucking cinematic in scope and all around AWESOME!!!! 🙂 I love Bubblegum Crisis. Anyway, at the end of the first episode, it’s strongly insinuated that Priss is a lesbian. Cool, huh? 🙂 I’m also awesome, aren’t I? Placing all these references to lesbianism into the movies and TV shows I’m viewing as part of Lesbian Laser Fest — even if they aren’t specifically “lesbian” stories at all! 🙂 The episode also references 9/11 being something to do with the Supergirl TV show and Supergirl being a lesbian, as well as references a small town in England during the closing credits. The ridiculous song that plays during the closing credits references the first name and surnames of the Supergirl character, and a Bret Hart promo (meaning, Reign is the best there is… etc. As in, “Sure, Supergirl is totally a match for… It is gonna be a competitive contest, no doubt!”) You need to speak (ancient?) Greek to understand the reference to Supergirl’s first name though. I don’t speak Greek and it’s one of the only Greek words I know, and I don’t even know how to pronounce it. LOL! I have put this single Greek word I know into way too many things, as a code for Supergirl, way too often. 🙂 So I’m not the smartest person ever! Big wow, you know? So what! 🙂 I can create all sorts of vast amounts of knowledge for myself though, so I seem like I’m a super genius or something. I just create memories of knowing all sorts of stuff for various dumb reasons.

Anyway! The last thing I viewed on TV for the first shade of Lesbian Laser Fest was an episode of iCarly: “iScream on Halloween”. So it was like a pretty boring episode to be honest with you, but I put some references to lesbianism into it. Sam grabbing Carly’s butt in a closet seems pretty implausible, but I think that actually happened in this episode. I mean like just groping her butt for seemingly no reason, when it wasn’t even dark or anything. Like she just decided to molest her. It’s not my finest creation for Lesbian Laser Fest since it’s so morally terrible. I’m pretty sure that it happened though, even though I only viewed it once. Also, one of the little girls who shows up to menace Spencer about Halloween treats looks a lot like me in her floppy hat that looks just like mine. And another one of the little girls has a WWF championship belt on, to say “I won!!!!” and “I’m the champion!!!!” and “Leave me the fuck alone, mafia, unless you want a huge stink in the world that you can’t get rid of!!!!” Happy Hanukkah, LOL. I hear there’s some things going on. I don’t know what though. I don’t care. I’m guessing there might be more than one stink. Haha!

So anyway. Lesbian Laser Fest is like 9 shades of fun that comprises of the week and one shade leading up to Lesbianlaserween (which always takes place concurrently with Halloween, so I can feel as if everyone else is celebrating Lesbian Laser Fest with me), and then there’s one more shade of Lesbian Laser Fest after that. Something like that. It’s not an exact science how many shades there are — but I don’t want it to ever get much longer than 9 shades, so that it’s nothing like Mike Tyson Three Months. It depends on how much I enjoyed myself and if I need another shade of Lesbian Laser Fest to happen, to make sure I had enough fun. I have, like, PTSD, so giving myself some leeway to add an extra shade of fun to my celebration helps me feel less pressure about Lesbianlaserween going well each year.

Hope you enjoyed reading about Lesbian Laser Fest: Goda’s own OFFICIAL annual celebration!!!! 😛 Oh and just so you all know — on Lesbianlaserween I basically just eat Halloween candy and maybe dress up in costume like most people who celebrate Halloween. The “death” theme isn’t ideal or anything, but I just think of it as being like a celebration of Season Three Reign and it makes me feel better. As if everyone is actually celebrating my preferred myth about myself, for once!!!! 🙂

You’re all free to actually celebrate Lesbian Laser Fest with me, if you want to!!!! 🙂

Edit: Just so you all know, Lesbian Laser Fest started a shade early this year because I misread my note in my diary organiser to remind me that Lesbian Laser Fest was starting soon. I thought the note meant “IT STARTS NOW, CELEBRATE IMMEDIATELY!!!!” 🙂 It’s only supposed to be 9 shades of Lesbian Laser Fest, including Lesbianlaserween. This is like the third year I’ve been celebrating it (I think), and I’m pretty sure I’ve decided now that this is how many shades I want it to last for each year. It’s fine though if I get confused or need an extra shade added for the reasons I explained above! I hope there are some people celebrating it with me at this point. It’s weird thinking about it, but I hope there are! 🙂