Having a spouse is not for the faint of spirit. It is not about what you say so get over the part when you think you didn’t say enough. I am in a marriage that has some specific defecits. She is the type of spouse of who does not want to lose face but when she does it is when she is fighting because she acts like she doesn’t care and she can cut to the core. I get over it but not as quickly as I wish I could because I am good. That is the problem in this life for me. I am good. People fight with me and they get 100% penetration for what they say and how they act. They are giants. I am a small ant that is tough and who comes back like a big scumbag…feeling wrong and not getting the wronged part until later when I may or may not deploy it depending on position or activation.

Activation

This is the type of thing that chemically occurs and everybody hates it and uses it against me. It is when I will identify the slights and under payments and will circle on them to produce whatever but it leaves with a dark pit of crap that sucks. I can be extra insecure afterward and there is very little accommodation.

During these periods I will seek out to destroy incoming invaders and will center on positions that I have previously identified as problematic but almost everything I say or do is inadmissible at least in my court of opinions. Those opinion is that I am a drug addict and that I should not be trusted unless it is Me vs all other people or Me vs any one person. So, not real helpful.

Activation seeks to equipped me with the wording or phrases or convictions that I need when I am in the world and it is being a bully.